I truly haven't suffered writing a script as much as I have with Holy Fool. All you have to do is scroll down a bit to see how many years I've hammered away on this script. And hammering is the appropriate word at this point.
Although, I had a mini existential crisis this past weekend and I believe I have finally figured out what I want to write about.
See...that's been the problem. I've had two different stories rattling in my brain. I wish I could say all I needed to do was simplify but that would be giving me too much credit on this piece of shit script I've been writing.
I'm not going to get into what the two stories have been but I will write about the story I have settled on and why the existential crises saved me and allowed me to see the light.
But let me take you back a couple of films.
My first feature film and second feature film, I Pledge Allegaince to Myself and I AM THAT, were similar in their themes. They were both about the protagonist searching for their calling. There was one slight difference in the ending. In I AM THAT, the protagonists final moments she actually finds her calling and is activiely doing it.
In my third feature film, 24 Frames Lalla, the protagonist is actively doing her calling but doesn't trust it. For the entire film she is practicing her calling and learning to trust their unique voice.
This past winter as I was reflecting on my first features and I realized that I had written three films all on dharma or a person's sacred duty.
I AM THAT was a story about a person searching and finding their sacred duty.
24 Frames Lalla was a story about a person trusting their sacred duty.
So where does Holy Fool come in?
Holy Fool is about a person sharing their sacred duty and being thoroughly rejected for it but refusing to give up on it because, after all, this is their sacred duty.
So why the hell has it taken me so long to write this story?
Because of this bit - being thoroughly rejected for it - I COULDN'T ACCEPT THIS BIT OF THE STORY. For years, I've refused to write this portion of the story. Like I AM THAT, 24 Frames Lalla, Holy Fool is a personal story to me. I am the Holy Fool.
And to play with the idea that I could be thoroughly rejected for sharing my unique voice has been unconsciously fucking terrifying to me and so I've refused to write it. I've refused to follow where the story needs to go and so I've had shitty draft after shitty draft.
And it has been unconscious.
It was only after my mini existensial crises that was incited by my script being rejected again that I have finally had my AHA moment of what I need to do, need to write.
I also realized that I need to change the title of the film to: Poem of the Holy Fool
Seems fitting, right?
Poem of the Holy Fool will conclude my trilogy on dharma.